 : Wenlock and Mendeville
Written: 23rd May 2010
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Recently, I found out by accident that the 2012 Olympic Games still wasn't done raping Britain's dignity and cultural standing with the rest of the world and decided to go ahead and produce what can best be described as 2 pale, shiny penises with a cue ball wrapped into the foreskin like a very long snood.
http://www.london2012logo.com/
When the mascots were unveiled on 'The One Show' I was surprised that the presenters were keeping straight faces while they pretended to admire the two silvery, one eyed condoms sitting on the table. Apparently, I discovered, after wiping the vomit from my mouth and purchasing plane tickets to Switzerland, that the mascot was designed by a team of children who were most likely yapping like little dogs, a wide array of vastly different suggestions that was hastily cobbled together in an effort to convince the rest of the world that Britain isn't just going to be populated by hoodies and Burberry enclosed smackheads, but they will be joined by a generation of sexually ambiguous lovers of some kind of future porn involving shiny 5 foot tall penises.
Thankfully, because they have no depth perception, they won't stand a chance in the hurdles.
It sure doesn't take a genius to understand that taking suggestions from 10 year olds will only result in strange gelatinous creations with more useless functions than a Swiss army knife that has all of the blades tapered to a nub. Additions such as a taxi cab light on the heads of the mascots bring up thoughts mostly along the lines of 'how much will the fare be?', which is exactly what I was thinking when London was bid to pay for this colossal multi-million pound waste of tax money. Currently there is no information on how many poor starving children in Asia will die from the absence of the money they should be getting, but hopefully it's not as much as the £400,000 waste of money that was used to fund the creation of a deformed Lisa Simpson sucking off a twig-man with a diamond shaped penis.
I'm sure this inexplicably expensive investment was totally worth every penny of the time we'll see of a few hundred Ethiopians running around in circles for a few hours.
- Mr Montmorency
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